A few moths ago I joined the Twitter bandwagon and haven't looked back since. I instantly enjoyed the benefits of communicating (releasing) my thoughts/feelings to a few dozen strangers, which would otherwise go unheard and bottled up inside me, begging to be heard by really just about anyone. Most of the time it's simple thoughts that just pop into my head, but at least once a week I come up with some pretty funny stuff.
Here are a few highlights
I really hate myself when I finish off an entire bucket of ice cream; mostly because It forces me to get out of bed and buy some more.7:35 PM Jan 31st
When both the people on the tredmils next me leave at the same time I can't help but feel that maybe my farts had something to do with it.4:19 PM Jan 29th
Don't you hate it when you think you're checking out a hot babe from behind and then they turn around and it's a succubus? Me too... me too.1:36 PM Jan 23rd
Happy birthday, David Lynch. If I were a woman my vagina would be yours (But Morrissey would have dibs. I hope you understand).11:12 AM Jan 20th
I've heard lady gaga in NY so many times I'm actually starting to like it. ?9:20 PM Jan 7th
Just got a haircut. Don't know why they're a little hesitant when you take your pants off here.12:10 PM Jan 7th
Can't stop looking at this gorgeous burnet dancing on the floor. Good lord! I'd give years of my life to take her on a date. 9:50 PM Jan 3rd
Pick-up line of the night: Are we about to get it on? Cuz I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm.8:30 PM Jan 3rd
My roomate left for vacation this morning but left her dildo on the living room sofa. Smooth, real smooth.3:39 PM Dec 23rd, 2009
"I'll admit I'm hot, but don't blame me for global warming" - 12 year old girl at Target.9:10 PM Dec 13th, 2009
Clam chowder: semen of the sea?8:53 PM Dec 12th, 2009
Why do I keep bumping into the same douche from film school? Is the world trying to tell me I'm a douche as well, or that I should use one?2:51 PM Dec 9th, 2009
Let me tell ya, it's not fun having to explain to a cop that you forgot to bring an extra pair of underwear to the gym and thus have none on3:43 AM Dec 8th, 2009
Sometimes I pass the time by making up music videos in my head starring me. My favorite: like a virgin by Madonna9:32 PM Dec 4th, 2009
I just saw the strangest thing flash in the sky. Logic tells me it could be a comet. My heart tells me it's a quiff.1:59 AM Nov 19th, 2009
What if each of us have a different perception of time? Think about it.8:53 PM Nov 5th, 2009
I've been using a British accent with every stranger I've met for the past two weeks.3:43 PM Oct 30th, 2009
There's a woman on the bus who won't stop taking pictures of me!!!!!!!! What the fuck! She's even moving seats to get better angles. Ugh!!!!7:04 PM Oct 24th, 2009
Mmm! Eating Cracker Jack for the first time in years! Not to be confused with "Cracka Jack."8:33 PM Sep 29th, 2009
Not a fan of going commando, but sometimes you just forget. Today is one of those days.1:20 PM Sep 13th, 2009
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